This is a weird question and I’m not entirely sure how well I’ll be able to answer this, but I distinctly recall my mum saying (I can’t believe her wisdom has featured in 2 of 2 blog posts so far) she’s going to be thrilled. ‘Everything changes when you have a baby’ and she wasn’t wrong. No amount of organising or sleep would have prepared me for the arrival of Mabel Drane.
‘The most beautiful girl in the whole wide world’ as I like to refer to her daily, or ‘beautiful’ for short.
Since my mum mode is now firmly on the permanent setting, the emotional pull that is the embodiment of a tiny dictator has been tugging at my heartstrings ever since. I mean I love my dog dearly, he is cute, cuddly and has ears like velvet but whatever I said before, this is not the same. What is sleep? What time is it? Where am I? It is a weird bubble you enter upon meeting your child. It’s as if anything before this moment was background noise and now I need to keep this tiny human alive who I can’t stop staring at and sniffing.
I took seven months maternity leave and missed having a creative outlet and a different wall to look at, so with my understanding employer I worked two days in the London office (one overnight stay at a friends) and one day from home. This worked in the short term but I just missed my tiny dictator and being at home terribly.
Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) played a big role in my departure and it’s something which I think needs to be spoken about more in the workplace. I might go into this a bit more in another post, but I think the level of pressure I put on myself is not healthy.
Leaving and going freelance was my decision and I’m exceptionally grateful that have the opportunity to do so now, and my work is much more consistent because of it. I’m a yes person, I hate letting people down but it’s quite annoying that this attitude isn’t sustainable. Just be nice to yourself.
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